Munkay Speak

"Have you been eating Snickers bars?'' Translation-"Come here and kiss me so I can enjoy a sugar rush second hand."'

"I wanna try ski-journeying eh?" Translated- "I am willing to be pulled behind running dogs while precariously balancing on skis for a minimal effort adrenaline rush, and I think this is a fine idea." Adding the "eh?" on the end, I am reaffirming to myself what a good revilation this is. No need for an answer, I know what I have just stated. Repeating the sentence and stressing the "eh?", in an exaggerated question form only annoys me. I am not asking a question. To me, the word "eh" is a verbal cross between an exclamation mark and a period. Proper response, "Knock your crazy assed self out. I'm bringing my camera with me when I visit you in the hospital."

"I think that two week old steak we forgot in the bottom of the fridge looks a little juicy." Translation- "That is scary nasty beyond words." Juicy is a questionable state of being or substance, indescribable. Coined when Goosemount was strapped into the toddler seat of the Jeep Wrangler and in a panic was searching for the appropriate words to exclaim while hydroplaning sideways down the muddy road. "MOM! Why did you have to pick such a JUICY road?!"

"Let me think about it." Translation- "Oh hell no, I don't want to. I just haven't thought up an excuse not to yet."

"WHERE'S MY FOOD WOMAN??" Translation- "Please excuse me, but I am extremely hungry and am on the verge of wasting away." Unless spoken in a restaurant. Then it translates to, "WHERE'S MY FOOD WOMAN!!", regardless of sex of waitperson.

"I don't think I am in the mood." Translation- "Oh heck ya, I want some, you just gotta put a little more effort into it."

"Ok" Translation to my kids-"I'm not listening to you right now." Translation to my Hubby- "What's in it for me?" Translation to all others- "I'm not sold on this yet. I was holding a conversation with my Rock in my head."

"Keydoks" Translation- "Ok", in Finnish. But must be chirped in a happy attitude.

"K" Translation- "I hear you but not only am I not going to do that, I am too lazy to even answer with a complete word. Go away now. You disgust me."

"Okaly Dokaly" Translation. - "Not only will I do that to inhibit further prompting, but I will accomplish it in a speedy and mindless manner." This term is rare, last heard, June 11th, 1993.

"No thank you, I couldn't possibly eat another bite." Translation- There is none. Those are words you will never hear coming from this girl.

"Look at all the tall buildings Punky!!!" Translation- "I am innodated and overwhelmed by all the urban culture and architecture surrounding me currently." It is to be used also as a greeting when ever you happen to meet a man who goes by the name Skeeter Minyeah, as he was the first one to utter these words right before he walked into a pole while admiring the Winnipeg skyline above. It was spoke many times as we waited for the ambulance to transport his unconscious form to the hospital. More times as Punky and I became lost trying to follow the ambulance through the unknown city. Not so often when we sobered up.

"Whats going on in here?" Translation- "I don't know why or how a wild squirrel got lose in my bathroom, but he better be gone before another little blood vessel ruptures in my brain."

"You are grizzling up nicely there Goat." Translation- "I love you dearly and can not pass up the chance to tease you about how much older your are than me. "

"Can't talk, eating." Translation- "Keep all limbs and digits near clear for your own safety. Not responsible for burns from sparks flying from my eating utensils. If I am bothering to use any"

"No breakee t' eegg." Translation- "That was a totally stupid thing to do, bone head." Derived from Eli's dad, who once accidentally cut through the gas line leading into the Asian restaurant he was working on causing the non-English speaking proprietor to come out and in a highly excited mannor, pantomime as best he could using a skillet and an egg, that he could smell sulfur in the air and an explosion was immanent. Must be said in a really bad Asian accent.

"Wanna dance?" Translation- "No Hubby, I do not expect you to dance with me and would be quite shocked if you did. But I am going to dance around you as you sit there. Please don't swat at me when I get in front of the T.V."

"Ron Burgundy" Translation- "I want to see you laugh so hard you do a spit-take when I utter this phrase in a muppet voice. "

*Rolling eyes upward and nodding head.* Translation- "No I am not experiencing a grand maul seizure. I have 10 minutes and the inclination to meet you upstairs." I know this not words but communication none the less. Fat chance you will ever see me speak this way to you. Other than you, Rock, that is.

"If there is anything I can do to help.." Translation- "I am polite and insincere."

"What can I do to help?" Translation- "Give me something here, my intentions are good."

"Shut up." Translation- "Tell me more." For example when you say, "The UPS driver delivered my order from Fredericks of Hollywood yesterday but I had to sign for it before he would take it off.", triggers me to say, "Shut up.", meaning I want further information.

"Get out eh?" Translation- "Don't you dare stop now." I am not questioning your presents. I want some background. For example. "I could tell right away just by looking at him, that it wouldn't enhance my cleavage either", is cause for me to answer, "Get out eh?"

"You gonna finish that?" Translation- "You have T minus 3 seconds before I lunge for your plate and you lose a finger."

"What do you mean by that?" Translation- "You have bored me beyond tears rehashing the same old drivel that you are patronizing me with. Stop already. I am making fun of you."

"That feels like fuck." Translation- "I do not know how I am feeling but am adamant about it none the less. Might be wonderful. Could possibly be horrible." Term jacked from Ben, a six year old first time swearer. He was trying to descibe the intense sensation achieved after biffing the fast waterslide at the local water park. To his uptight fathers extreme embarrassment, he loudly proclaimed his experience using the most powerful words he was capable of. Ben made his statement before most of his fathers company. Ben is now a Jr. project manager for same company.

"Is the pizza here?" Translation- "I am planning on grabbing you to sneak a kiss while you are momentarily silent and easy prey as you listen for the sound of the delivery boy's knock."

"I was just thinking of you." Translation- " I have hatched a ludicrous idea and you are the only one who will hear me out before calling the nut wagon and I am planning on making you my acomplise." That or "I have been drinking heavily all day."

"I love you." Translation- "I love you." It does not have hidden meaning. It does not even require a response.